Freja’s journey: From fear of migraines to living more worry-free

“It has made me incredibly stressed and afraid to say yes to things, because what if I had an attack? It has taken up a lot of mental space,” says Freja. For many years, Freja has tracked her cycle, as she knows for certain that she gets a migraine at the beginning of her period. But even though she has been able to prepare for the attacks, she has still dreaded the discomfort she would have to go through once again. She senses an attack creeping up when her shoulders and neck suddenly start to tense up. Then she knows what time it is, and when the attack finally hits, an intense pain in her forehead dominates, causing both dizziness and blurred vision. In addition to the hormone-related attacks, the migraine also appears at odd times. This has meant that she has always lived with an inherent fear of when the next attack might suddenly appear and ruin her plans. This has been particularly challenging since Freja became a mother and suddenly had to learn to live with the migraine in a new way.

I try not to beat myself up

After Freja became a mother to her one-and-a-half-year-old daughter, suffering from migraines has become even more difficult. Because now, it’s no longer just herself she has to take care of. “I feel guilty because I feel like I’m less present for my daughter,” explains Freja. As part of trying to be less hard on herself and letting go of some of the fear of the migraine, she has focused heavily on the mental aspect of being a mother with migraines. “I really try to accept that the migraine IS here now, and then, for example, let my daughter watch a little more iPad than she would normally be allowed to. And then not beat myself up over it,” she emphasizes. Once the migraine is raging, she therefore actively tries to lower all expectations to better get through the attack.

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In addition, she describes how it is a great help to her to have open communication with her boyfriend. “As soon as I feel the slightest onset of an attack, I try to be clear with my boyfriend so he can step in. And it helps me to put into words that I might be a little extra short-tempered, but that it’s not about him,” she says.

Psychologist gave one specific piece of advice

It is also in Freja’s social life that she has experienced how migraines can get in the way. It has been the reason why she has been more hesitant to say yes to social events. Therefore, last year she sought out a psychologist who gave her a concrete and useful piece of advice. According to the psychologist, Freja should continue to say yes to invitations and appointments, but then immediately give a heads-up that she might have to cancel on the day. “His advice helped so much, because suddenly I experienced getting a lot of positive affirmation from my friends, and if I then had to cancel on the day, there was just huge understanding. For me, it was the first step towards being able to let go of some of the guilt,” explains Freja. Subsequently, Freja has experienced a major change in that the mental fear of suddenly having to cancel at the last minute takes up far less space and doesn’t steal nearly as much of her energy in everyday life.

“I would rather say yes to things and try to live life to the fullest than limit myself in fear of an attack, because it is so beneficial in so many other areas”

A more holistic view of the migraine

A third important part of Freja’s development has been trying to better understand the connection between body and mind. At the moment, Freja is taking a course that primarily takes place on weekends. Here, she knows that a migraine will undoubtedly come on Monday. “Instead of thinking ‘oh how annoying,’ I try to acknowledge that it makes good sense, now that my brain has been filled with information and impressions all weekend. And then I try to rest in it and be happy that I actually made it there,” she explains. It is a way for Freja to be a little kinder to herself when the attack hits.

Freja has also started to implement some small measures in her everyday life that she finds can help with the migraine. This ranges from taking a foot bath with Epsom salt filled with magnesium to getting out early every morning to get natural melatonin into her body. She finds that this can improve her sleep and at the same time prevent headaches. “Migraine is just so crazy, and it can be even the smallest things that can trigger it. So I think it can feel good to also do something active myself, which I find prevents both headaches and migraines,” she says.

It can still be incredibly frustrating

Even though Freja has experienced a significant difference in her happiness and everyday life after working on her mental attitude towards the migraine, she does not hide the fact that it is still something she struggles with. “I can both think it’s a bummer and incredibly frustrating when I’m lying in a dark room with a throbbing head. Then I can just want to cry and let it out,” she says. But here, Freja highlights that she sees it as something positive that she can also allow herself to think that everything is difficult and overwhelming sometimes. “I think it’s really important to also just make room for the difficult emotions when the migraine is there, and then instead use my energy to be more present in the moment when the migraine is over,” she concludes.